Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
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