I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
