Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
