So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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