I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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