The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Pooping to opera.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
