So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
