you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Randomize
