You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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