It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
