Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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