I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
