Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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