If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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