We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We have started to decorate penises.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
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