Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
