You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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