He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
