this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
it's like heaven, but drunker
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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