It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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