i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Less talking, more tequila
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
