smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
