Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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