I looked at my own cervix.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
