This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
