So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
