So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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