I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
