listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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