Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
