it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
