it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
