in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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