I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
