I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
