I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Never joke about your clitoris.
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