Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
A+ Viking dick
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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