Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It's rum buckets o'clock
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
