I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I can text with my tongue
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
