I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
