my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
