The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
