I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
