I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
