I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
