Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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