i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
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