I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
