Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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