He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
so let's talk penis.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
