Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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