Someone shit on the floor
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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