haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
